I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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