he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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