sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize
