Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
