Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
