im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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