I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
