I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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