I feel like abortions should bother me more
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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