I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
