I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
