she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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