How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
