I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize