made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
