You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
