My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
