Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
