So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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