White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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