dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Alive.
So much puke
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
