he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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