he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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