White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Panties = found
Randomize
