I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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