Cold hands, warm shart.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
dude. I can hear the air.
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