It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
