It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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