I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize