Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
