Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
