Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
