You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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