I got chris browned last night
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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