He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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