Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
too bad you live with your parents still
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
