Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
