He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize