I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
