I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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