My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize