Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
