your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I look better un-naked...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
