I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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