I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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