I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I smell like Dick and happiness
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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