3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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