So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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