then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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