I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
