I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
