So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
