when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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