you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize