i already hear my dad disowning me
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
