Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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