So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize