last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
