Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
