Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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