dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
