I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
