i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
