you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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