I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
