Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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