she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
