Me. At least after what I've been through.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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