The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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