i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
