i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize