dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
