Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
