Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
