Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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