No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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