I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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