**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
