That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
