hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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