I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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