alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
