Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
