When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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